Category Archives: Smile

You Want the Tooth??? You Can’t Handle the Tooth!!

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Yesterday morning, Justin was sitting on the sofa next to me watching cartoons while eating a pear. All of a sudden, he turned towards me and said, “Daddy, I think my tooth is loose.” I told him that it was very possible and I asked him to show me which tooth he was referring to. I reached into his mouth, wiggled his tooth, and confirmed that he was correct! We both marched into the master bedroom to show GWE.

I told him that there were a number of ways to get his tooth out. I offered to punch him in the face. He laughed and said, “No, daddy.” I then offered to tie some dental floss around his tooth and then tie the other end to the door and then I’d slam the door shut. He laughed some more and said “That’s silly!!” Papa Jeff (a dentist, mind you) suggested tying the dental floss around his tooth, then tying the other end to my car’s bumper – but, only after sterilizing the bumper first. And then, I would simply have to “drive off” with his tooth. Given the options, Justin decided to continue wiggling it with his tongue until it falls out on its own.

The picture you see above is clearly staged. However, it almost became the real thing! I thought GWE was holding Garrett while we were setting this up. What I didn’t know was that Garrett was on the floor right behind me. At one point, the dental floss fell off Justin’s tooth and as I learned over to grab it…Garrett darted between my legs, reached for the door, and slammed it shut. Had Justin’s tooth still been in the “Dental Floss Noose” – it might have been yanked out for real!!

As of today, the tooth is still in Justin’s mouth. When it falls out, we’ll let you know!

Dreams That You Dare to Dream Really Do Come True….

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Several years ago, my wife announced that it was her dream to write, perform, and professionally record an album. While she has always been an amazing singer, I was a little skeptical (but, still VERY supportive.) The process of creating a record is something entirely different and it is a dauntingly, massive undertaking. There are musicians to hire, producers to deal with, arrangements to compose, equipment to deal with, designers and photographers to wrangle, tracks to cut and then re-cut, etc. And, you’ve still got to find TIME to do all of this.

Over the past few years, she has giving birth to (and raised) two amazing children, excelled at a full-time (and demanding) career, and continued to put up with my shenanigans….and yet, she was still able to successfully achieve her dream. My wife is a living example of “if you really want it, you’ll find a way to make it happen.” I used to joke that GWE had the ability to simply “will” things into existence. Here is another example of that…

I am excited and overwhelmingly proud to announce that as of next Tuesday, August 7th, Audra Lee’s debut album, “I’m All In“ will be available on iTunes, Amazon, iHeartRadio, Spotify, and other digital distribution channels!!! You can see and hear her first original song “I’m All In” right here!!

Enjoy and please get the album!! It is available NEXT TUESDAY!!!!

The Shaw-“Luck” Redemption

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“You either get busy crawlin’, or you get busy nappin’.”

Meet Garrett Priluck. Or, as we like to call him here at Baby Jail – Inmate #2. When Justin was just a baby, we bought “Baby Jail” to prevent him from rolling/crawling away when we had to put him down. It’s one thing to have a baby, but it’s another to have a MOBILE baby. When he was finally able to roam the house freely, his first trip was straight to the front door. I think it was his “Great Escape.” Baby Jail has prevented many escape attempts.

Garrett is now 8 months old and he is on the precipice of crawling. He is getting up on his hands and knees and he’s making a thrusting motion. There is no movement, just thrusting.  (Yes, I do make porn music sounds when I see him doing this.) So, on Friday night, we brought out the pieces of Baby Jail and built it once again. Originally, I went to Toys R Us and bought 100 colorful balls in order to make it look less “institutional.” Luckily, we saved them. After a thorough clearing, Justin, GWE and I began jamming them back into the bars to make it more colorful.

Welcome to The Hole!

As we brought Garrett into the living room, he was looking over GWE’s shoulder. He immediately saw what was waiting for him and he began to buck wildly with excitement. Once he was inside, he was in heaven. All of his toys were close by and the plush cushion around the base was soft under his butt. He grabbed for the colorful balls and tried to jam them into his mouth one by one. He then rolled onto his back, places his feet on the bars, and pushed himself around the inside of the jail to check it all out.

I have to admit that I thought this was cruel and unusual when we first purchased it. What kind of parent cages their child like this?? But the truth is, both kids have loved it. They see it as “their personal space” and playground. Who am I to argue with an 8 month old?

However, if Garrett starts playing a harmonica and singing “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen….,” I’m getting him out of there!

Remote Controlled Baby!

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While cleaning out the garage on Saturday, I rediscovered a “Walker” that was once Justin’s from when he was a baby. I happily pulled it out of the garage and cleaned it off. The following day, GWE and Justin went to a birthday party, thereby leaving Garrett and I alone. Since it was just the two of us at the house, I thought it was time for us to get into some trouble! So, I chose to reassemble the toy for Garrett’s enjoyment. Once it was ready, I plopped him into the seat. There was only one problem – he was still too small. His toes were barely able to touch the ground (even on the lowest setting). Instead of him “walking” around the kitchen, I had to push him around.

This was fun for about 10 minutes and he loved it, but it was killing my back. All of a sudden, I had a “MacGyver Moment!”

I reached into Justin toys and pulled out one of his “Speed Bumbers” vehicles. (It’s an omni-directional, 1.5 volt, remote-controlled car.) I then ran into the bathroom and came back with a roll of mint-flavored dental floss. I tied the RC car to the front of his Safety 1st Walker, turned on the remote control, pressed “forward” and…..nothing.

I would not be denied this moment of Fatherly Genius! I grabbed the 2nd “Speed Bumber” and attached it to the front of the walker as well. I had 3 whole volts at my command! I grabbed both remote controls, flipped them both on, and pressed forward!! Nothing…..not one inch of movement. I could hear the engines in both vehicles whirring away, but no movement. Garrett stared at me with a look of, “This has been fun, but I’m not your guinea pig. Let’s do something else.” Defeated, I cut loose the RC cars and put them back into their boxes.

I am now online looking to see how many volts it would take to successfully “drive” around a 26 lb baby in a 5 lb “walker.” I will not be denied the satisfaction of “Remote Controlled Baby!”

And This Is How We Say Goodbye!

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Until they perfect the art of cloning, GWE and I will need to rely on some hired help in order to get the kids from school during the weeknights starting this Fall. Justin will be in a new school this August and Garrett will remain at daycare. And, unless they plan on spending the nights at their respective schools, we need someone to pick them up and bring them home a few days a week. Time for “The Nanny!!”

When I walked into the house last night, GWE was in the middle of interviewing a very nice woman who ran a nanny/babysitter service. I did not want to interrupt. The woman and I exchanged pleasantries and then I wandered into the kitchen for something to eat. Every once in a while, I was asked a question – but, for the most part I stayed out of it.

Justin was very excited to see me and (as usual) his energy level went from a 4 to a 12 in under a few minutes. He began to ask me a million questions about my day, playfully “attack” me, and then jump around on the sofas a little. I also noticed that Justin was only wearing a t-shirt and underwear…no pants. While I knew that this was just “Justin being Justin,” I began to worry if this woman was judging our son’s behavior. Every so often I would walk over to Justin and casually calm him down and then go back to what I was doing.

When I was finally ready to sit on the sofa, Justin rushed up to me and said (loud enough for our guest to hear) “I love you daddy! Can I sit with you?”

Secretly, I was very pleased. It’s not that I felt like we needed to “put on a good show” for this woman. But, she was in our home to assess the situation and determine which nanny would be best for us. So….a little affection and good behavior from Justin at the right moment wasn’t such a bad thing. For the next few moments, we sat together and quietly watched cartoons.

When our guest was ready to leave, GWE said to Justin, “Say bye-bye to (blank).” He turned his head away from the television and said, “Bye.” Then, he quickly jumped off the sofa and said to the woman, “Wait, wait!!!”

I then saw him reach behind his back and start to do something. I wasn’t entirely sure what he was up to, but an evil…sadistic…smug smile began to creep across his face. It turns out that Justin thought it would be funny to grab his underwear, shove it between the crack of his ass (like it was a thong), and then show our guest his ass as a going away present. It quickly dawned on me what he was doing about a second before he did it. I immediately tackled Justin and prevented him from finishing his “master plan.” After GWE closed the door, I told her that either the woman thought our son was funny or she was calling Child Protective Services from her car.

Justin has to work on improving his first impression!

My Little Loan Shark, Pt 2

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Yesterday morning, I took a financial loan (with a high interest rate) from my son.

Last night at 8:00pm, I walked into my house and found my son standing in the doorway. Clearly, he had been waiting for me. “Daddy, I’ve been looking for you.” he said, with a serious expression on his face. I did not have his money.

Luckily, GWE did. I quickly pulled two dollars out of my wallet and I grabbed a ten dollar bill out of her purse and handed all of it to Justin. (As you can see from the picture above, he was clearly satisfied.)

Now, I owe GWE ten dollars. This is such a vicious cycle.