It’s Only Rock & Roll (But, Garrett Likes It)

pic-in-carOne of the things that Garrett likes the most about The Hotmobile is his ability to command the car (me) to play any music he wants at a moment’s notice…as long as it’s on my iPod or iPhone. I’ve heard “The Lego Movie” soundtrack two thousand times and I’ve heard the “Spongebob” soundtrack three thousand times. If I hear the “Goofy Goober” song or “The Campfire Song” one more time – not only will I rip my own ears off of my head, but I’ll shred them in the kitchen disposal!

So, here we were with Garrett listening to “kiddie” songs over and over and Justin’s music program at school having him sing garbage songs* like “Shut Up and Dance.” To be fair, they altered the chorus to “Come On and Dance,” but every kid singing knew what the original words were.

(*Just to be clear, I’m not a prude when it comes to music. I am, however, not thrilled when my son’s school’s music department chooses songs where the students have to go out of their way to avoid singing inappropriate lyrics. Just because a song has been “Disney-fied” and made kid-friendly, doesn’t automatically make it appropriate for a school performance.)

By the way – I’m a complete hypocrite. You’re about to find out why.

At some point, it dawned on me that The Hotmobile could become our musical classroom. It would give me a chance to “educate” my boys on the evolution of music. We started with The Beatles, (Early) Rolling Stones, Buddy Holly, Muddy Waters, James Taylor, Billy Joel, The Who, etc. It gave me a chance to give them more music to listen to than they were being exposed to.

What I learned was that Justin gravitated towards Soul, R&B, and Hip-Hop. On the other hand, Garrett really surprised me. He likes Rock & Roll. Correction, he LOVES classic Rock & Roll whenever he hears it. He screams “ROCK & ROLL” at the top of his lungs while doing either ‘air guitar’ or ‘air drums.’ The moment he heard the first notes of AC/DC’s “Back in Black,” he was hooked. I could see him rockin’ out in the rear view mirror!

For your enjoyment, I have attached a video of both Garrett and Justin enjoying one of life’s simple pleasures: Rock & Roll and screaming “bad” words in front of adults. (My dad is in the middle of this “sing-along!”)

The Hotmobile

HotGarrett’s potty training has been going well. To the best of my knowledge, he has not had an accident in over two weeks! This has been very exciting news! (Although, probably not to him when he reads this 10 years from now and he realizes that his dad had been posting poop updates on the internet.)

However, I think we might have overdone it with the reward system. Garrett knew that if he went pee-pee in the potty, he’d get a small toy and if he started going poopy in the potty he would get a larger toy. Here is an example of how he planned his rewards.

I didn’t realize that Garrett would apply this Pavlovian response to other things in life.

Several weeks ago, I purchased a new car. Garrett was very excited about it and began calling it “The Hotmobile” long before it actually arrived. He is his grandfather’s son and has a love for all things automotive. There have been two occasions when I’ve reprimanded him from actually kissing the car. (Yes, he kissed the car.) When I asked him why he did that, he told me that he loved the car so much he had to kiss it.

On Saturday, while helping me pull the trash cans out of from the street, Garrett stopped to admire the car once more. I watched him closely in the hopes that I wouldn’t have to intervene in another make-out session with my Lexus.

As he stared at the car, I could see his brain working. Then he turned to me and said, “That’s not a pee-pee toy, daddy.”

“Nope.” I responded. “That is not a pee-pee toy.”

Another moment of silence. “Daddy? How many poops on the potty did you have to do to get that car?” I could not contain my laughter. It was too funny.

“Well buddy…..it only took me 37 years of pooping on the potty!”

There was a pause followed by, “Good work, daddy.”

 

“Say My Name”

CarThe most interesting fight broke out between Garrett and Justin the other day. The fascinating thing was – neither were wrong. The argument was about this one simple question: “What is my name?”

It began while riding in the car (as always) with Justin leaning over and whispering into Garrett’s ear, “Garrett, did you know that daddy’s name is Jason?” Garrett turned to him and gave him a look of absurdity and responded, “No, it’s not.”

“Yes! Daddy’s name is Jason.” Justin announced again, feeling slightly intellectually superior to his younger brother.

“NO…IT’S….NOT!!” yelled Garrett. “IT’S DADDY!”

“Yes, but his REAL name is Jason,” clarified Justin.

“NO….NO….NO….IT’S NOT!!! Daddy’s name is daddy! YOU SHUT UP!” screamed Garrett as he tried to defend my honor.

Justin did not like being told to shut up. Especially, from his younger brother. In an attempt to ‘one-up’ Garrett and deliver more shocking news, Justin continued with, “And, mommy’s name is Audra.”

Garrett, being of limited vocabulary and having had enough of his brother’s bullshit, made the following declaration: “MOMMY IS MOMMY. DADDY IS DADDY. AND NOW I’M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE.”

Justin thought it was funny…until Garrett followed through with his threat. A fist was thrown, contact was made….and “Down goes Frazier!! Down goes Frazier!! Down goes Frazier!!”

There’s nothing quite like dropping off two screaming, crying children at camp carpool as they continue to yell at each about the important issues in life….like, my name.

 

Seat Belt or No Seat Belt?

Car-1Justin and Garrett have perfected the art of pissing each other off. It’s amazing to watch them aggravate each other to the point of “Apocalypse.” What starts out slow with either a comment or a nudge, turns into all-out war within moments.

 

While in the car (why is it always in the car???), Justin and Garrett began to bother each other. I don’t know if it started with Justin taking one of Garrett’s toys or Garrett throwing something at Justin out of frustration, but it escalated quickly. I remember pulling the car over, turning around, and yelling at both of them to cut it out – OR ELSE!! (I don’t have an “or else.” If I had one, I wouldn’t have to say “or else.”)

 

Both of them stopped what they were doing to each other, became silent, and we resumed our drive to wherever we were going.

 Car-2

After a few moments of silence, I heard a click followed by one of the boys saying, “Don’t do that.” And then, another click.

 

Then, I heard another click…followed by the other boy saying, “Don’t do that!” And then, another click.

 

I was driving and it was hard for me to turn around at that particular moment, but I heard this conversation and clicking go on three or four more times. I finally got a chance to look in the rear view mirror and what I saw made me laugh….until I realized how I was involved!

 

Justin and Garrett began playing a game of “Chicken” with their seat belts. One child would lean over and unclick the other one’s seatbelt. The victim would then tell the perpetrator to stop. Then, the victim would fix his own seat belt…and then lean over to unclick the other one’s seat belt.

 

It wasn’t just the unclicking each other’s seat belts. I realized it was more of a game of “Who’s Seat Belt Would Be Undone When Daddy Stops Short (or Gets Into An Accident???)” In retrospect, I think they both won because I had to unclick my seat belt to turn around to yell at them again.

 

So, based on my experience, I have a new slogan for seat belt safety: “Click, Click, or Daddy Will Become A DICK!!”

Are You Eating My Muffin???

Muffin-1

That’s the muffin in his left hand reflected in the mirror.

One morning last week, Garrett convinced me to get him a muffin for breakfast from “Sexy Starbucks.” We’ve given this nickname to one particular Starbucks because it’s below a yoga studio and another gym that hosts spinning classes. Needless to say, it’s a very good place to do some people watching in the morning! (Especially when Garrett introduces himself to strange women with “Heyyo, Yadies!”)

 

I finally caved and bought him a muffin. He quietly munched on it while we headed off to school. Once we got to the school’s parking lot, Garrett unbuckled himself and came up to the front passenger seat. He then handed me his muffin so he could play with all the buttons and knobs in my car. While he played with the stereo, the lights, the sunroof, and the glove compartment – I patiently held his muffin.

 

Periodically, I would take my eyes off of him to look at the muffin. It looked pretty good since I hadn’t had breakfast yet. And then I thought, “He’s not going to miss this little piece on the end.” I pulled off a tiny bit of muffin and ate it. As I was chewing, Garrett turned his head towards me and ask, “Did you eat my muffin?”

 

“No,” I lied, as I held up the muffin to his face. “It’s your muffin. Why would I eat it?”

 

He looked at me skeptically, but turned his attention back to the knobs on the car. Once again, I saw another piece of muffin I did not think he would miss. So, I quickly pulled it off and ate it. Again, he turned towards me, looked down at the muffin, and asked, “Are you eating my muffin?”

 

“No,” I lied again. He gave me the look of “I don’t trust you, but I don’t have proof either.” And again, he went back to playing with my car.

 

This time, I took a big bite. He turned around to see a chunk missing from the side of his muffin. He could also see the missing chunk in my open mouth.

 

“DADDY!!!!! YOU ARE EATING MY MUFFIN!!!” he shouted accusingly.

 

“MOW” I explained with a mouthful of semi-chewed muffin. I swallowed as much as I could as I continued my lie (knowing full-well he was on to me.) “Of course I’m not eating your muffin.”

 

“BUT… BUT….BUT…I SEE YOU EATING MY MUFFIN!!!!” he stammered in an agitated manner. He was very, very angry…..and then there was a moment of calm.

 

He pushed his glasses back up his nose, turned towards me, and said, “That’s ok, daddy! You can eat it. I dropped it in the back seat and then stepped on it.”